SYMPATHY FOR THE SCALPER
(parody of "Sympathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones)
by Clams Casino

Please allow me to introduce myself I'm a man of spite and haste
I've been around a long long year, stolen many a collectors money and faith
I was around when Cantina Band Members first shipped to Wal-Mart
Made damn sure the manager looked away and let me take the case
Pleased to meet you hope you guessed my name
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my scalp
 
Stuck around TRU when I saw the truck pull into the bay
Shoved the kids and their mothers: collecters screamed in vain
I stood in front and held you back when the doors flew open and I ran to the back
Pleased to meet you hope you guessed my name. Oh yeah
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my scalp. Oh yeah
 
I watched with glee while your moms and dads fought for all the toys I had
I shouted out "who has the exclusives?" when after all it was only me
Let me please introduce myself I'm a man of spite and hate
And I take all the shortpacks before they reach the shelf
Pleased to meet you hope you guessed my name. Oh yeah
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my scalp. Oh yeah
Pleased to meet you hope you guess my name
But what's confusin' you is just the nature of my scalp
 
Just as every post is a for sale, and all the dealers are on EBAY
As Hanger 18 is Diamond. Just call me Peaches 'cause I'm in need of some restraint
So if you meet me, have some courtesy have some sympathy and some money
Use all your well learned politeness and I may only mark-up by 50 percent
Pleased to meet you hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my scalp